Friends are your super power
As I reflect upon the past year – the launch of my book, the much anticipated, post-Covid wedding for my daughter, the addition of two grandchildren to my family, and milestone birthdays for my husband and myself (please don’t ask), I am bubbling over with gratitude.
Friends hug me, smiling from ear to ear, while admiring the perseverance it took to write that book I had inside me. They appreciate my courage to put myself ‘out there’ writing a memoir full of wrong turns, resets, vulnerabilities and lessons learned that I share to pay it forward – to help other young women navigate their life and career journeys, hopefully, avoiding my mistakes.
My former and current business colleagues know of my career journey and understand my ‘why.’ As they learn more about my personal life splattered across the written page, they route for me to succeed from the sidelines. Some wish they had taken the time to learn about my personal life and setbacks when we worked together; their lesson learned. All of them applaud my decision to have my book proceeds donated to charity (two causes close to my heart) and are quick to share the news of my book with their networks.
My family rescued me from myself, as they always do, propping me up, encouraging me to continue with my goal to finish what I started. They are kind and helpful when my negative inner voice shouts back at me on repeat, “tell me, why you are writing this book again? Why do you think you have something worthy to share?” Ouch.
I have so many reasons to be thankful for my friends, colleagues and family. Their acts of kindness and constant source of support for me and my goals is my super power. They are my people, to cherish and never take for granted.
Why am I telling you this? Just as my friends, colleagues and family want me to succeed, your friends, colleagues and family want you to succeed too. They are your super power. Believe it.
In uncertain times, which I expect we have all experienced over the past three years, I implore you to leverage your support systems – lean on your friends, share your feelings and experiences with your co-workers and for goodness’ sake, accept the support of your family. Don’t struggle in silence. Take advantage of the well-meaning advice of those closest to you, even if you don’t act upon it. This may seem obvious, but giving voice to where you are hurt, how you have been wronged, your grievances or the difficult position you find yourself in, is empowering. Oftentimes, solutions materialize right in front of you as you describe them to someone you trust.
In my professional life, when I dealt with a difficult accounting issue and was obliged to give my client an unpopular result to their income statement, (when the accounting rules were not our friend), I followed the mantra of my former firm, “Don’t go it alone.” Knowing I had the support of my colleagues, who I once or twice dragged along when the situation called for it, gave me the strength to stand my ground, defend my position and work towards a win/win solution that we could both live with. I was most successful when I was well prepared, listened with empathy to their arguments, and my mind was open to finding a compromise that fit within the goal posts of acceptable accounting literature.
In my personal life, when I have been dealt a poor hand, my son’s life-threatening birth comes to mind, I longed to find solace in maintaining a positive outlook. I looked desperately for that silver lining. “It must be somewhere. There must be something good that can come from this painful experience.” I learned that beating myself up over something I had no control over, is not the answer. That is unproductive and unhealthy.
It can be even harder to stay positive when the negative consequence you are facing is a function of your own doing. My true-life example here is the day I realized, upon graduation, that I had spent three years on a university degree studying a subject that gave me no prospect of a job, I had little passion for and did not leverage my strengths. To kick me while I’m down, I was also burdened with a boatload of debt to be repaid from a zero-balance bank account. Is this relatable?
This was a hard realization, followed by a firm punch in the gut. This is a situation that others find themselves in, when, as a high school student; they are 1) pushed to come up with a career choice too early, 2) forced to accept their parents’ choice of vocation without objection, or 3) become unduly influenced by a friends’ university career choice. Caution: This road has an imminent detour.
Having the cards stacked against you, because of you, could find you feeling your worst. This is a critically important time to cut yourself some slack. Allow yourself to learn from this experience, too. Let’s face it, we all make mistakes. Ask for the support and understanding of your friends and family, while you work things out. Then manage your expectations for a course correction, with humility, in whatever direction you decide it should take.
If you want to learn more about these true-life setbacks and my lessons learned, I address them in my book.
Finally, your network is a two-way street. If you nurture your connections, be the trusted friend one needs you to be, and have empathy when your colleagues, friends or family members reach out to you, they will inevitably be there for you when you need them. Don’t let your network collect dust on your shelf. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to reach out to ask them how they are doing, show you care and are thinking about them. A simple email, a coffee or lunch, remembering their birthday. You never know when you will need to lean on them next.
To recap, when times get tough, find the silver lining hiding in your experiences. Leverage your network for the support, encouragement and love you need; they truly want the best for you. Don’t struggle in silence or go it alone; ask for advice from your more experienced, trusted colleagues and friends, even if you don’t like what they have to say. Saying things out loud, helps you to clarify and present solutions you may already have. Be the friend who others can count on in their times of need.
And, when it comes to your friends, colleagues and family …Count Them In. I couldn’t resist.